Tiny Post... On self-confidence

Self-confidence is a tricky thing... You can be loving the way you look and hate everything about yourself in the same hour. I try really hard to be confident, but this week something made me reevaluate a lot.

Monday, I posted an Update on my 90 Days Challenge. While writing it, everything was perfect, I was proud, confident and super happy with the result. Then came the time to take the picture. I don't photograph my body often. Even at my lowest weight, I was never really able to look for too long at my leg and tummy. I don't know if it's just denial, but I just don't want to look at it. It makes me sad and depressed.

I was bullied a lot when I was younger. My appearance didn't matter much because I had only one thing in mind, leaving. I didn't have a lot of friends and nearly ever saw them outside of school. I would spend every time I had in front of the computer drawing tiny characters. They were Dollz, a naked character with no hair and you would draw them yourself using paint. This is when I knew I wanted to be a graphic designer, but this is another story.

I start caring only in CEGEP. And by caring, I mean I start using makeup. My weight did not bother me until I was 20 and had my first heartbreak. It was in October, I had started feeling really depressed and decide to take an appointment at a nearby Gym for woman only. At that time, I was barely eating or sleeping. I never hated myself more than during those times.

I'm happy I started loving more and more my face. I use to hate my nose, but now, it doesn't bother me. The fact that I cleared my skin helped a lot too. I remember, it took a lot of time to accept my naked face, I guess I have to be patient for the rest of my body. Maybe by starting to pay closer attention to it, I would be able to accept it.

If you are going through any of this, I promise you, it gets better. Find something you love about yourself and love it till you are able to find everything around it as pretty. For me, my eyes help a lot. Compliment are important to improve self-esteem, if people around you don't praise you, you don't have a good entourage. Find friends with who you can talk about those things and be able to listen to them just as much. I was once told that for every critique should come 2 praises. Every time you find something negative about yourself, bring out two things you love! Bring some positivity on your negativity.

I would end this on a picture of me when I was sixteen. I don't regret anything in my life and neither should you. You would never have been the person you are today without everything that happens in your life. Embrace the mistakes you've made and cherish your accomplishment, but never stop being a better you. Have a good day and I would talk to you real soon, Bye-ee!